And Then…There it is….

Sometimes we just flounder. Sometimes we just can’t figure it. Sometimes we are just supposed to fucking know what is up next and THAT can drive me nuts at times. ‘Cause I got no god damn clue.

Even so, I will ride this train wherever it leads. Granted, choices we make affect where the train actually stops or lets me out. But for the most part, I must let it ride and just enjoy the ride. Or not.

But when must one make choices, decisions, that might make for less of a tumultuous, bumpy ride? Now, I suppose. Difficult? Absolutely. Heart wrenching? Definitely! But, alas, I must ultimately make my own choices.

Choices sometimes can not be just of the heart. Choices must sometimes listen to the head. This goes completely against my empirical thought processes, but I have come to realize that it may be a necessary component in order for my own survival.

So….what is it I must next step into? What is it I must do that will be quite uncomfortable in order for me to push positively in a forward direction? Instead of floundering in the sameness of past mistakes.

Only a higher power and my soul, if I allow it to overtake, can know.

Let’s hope I will simply do what it is I must do and not make choices based solely on others. Let’s hope I will instead let life choose for me. But can we really do that? Don’t all our choices affect our fate?

Absolutely!

Don’t all our concerns for others affect our destiny?

Absolutely!

Then what is my issue? What is it that I struggle with?

I do know on certain accounts, but they are neither here nor fucking there in the grand scheme. So I must let those accounts go or work them to gain my ultimate design. Cryptic?, as one tells me I am to a fault, maybe. But here is not the venue to disclose the issues I have at present. For it is simply an excuse! Though rightly.

All that babble being said, it is simply about my making choices. Hard as that is. Ultimately, my choices are exactly the ones that are right. How in the hell do I know? Because everything I do is happening for a reason. Even my choices are the right ones though I may question them…ALWAYS!

This Time I REALLY Mean It!

Enough! Enough letting my words stay tangled, jumbled, confined…it is time to pen all of the wonderful transpirings, all the new experiences, the stories of adventure, of life, love, family, friends (new and old), of heartache, pain, hurt and share them with the world.

I have been seriously ignoring (on purpose) my writing, my brother’s writings, my blogging and need to get back to what it is I love to do, and do pretty damn well, I must admit.

It has been a good respite, simply living and not feeling the need nor having the desire to put everything to the proverbial paper. A favorite, fellow blogger and good friend, Roy, actually took this “simply living” attitude to the extreme and disconnected from 99% of all techno junk for a month, if not longer. In 2 days he should be back online, or so I hope, to tell of this experience of getting back to a life unplugged.

Shit, he’s got more guts than I do! I am WAY to addicted to my online, electronic, techno crap-ola to completely shut down! I don’t think I could go more than a day without checking in on Facebook.

So….now is the time to get back to it! And this time I REALLY mean it!

And OH.MY.GOD. have I got shit to spill…you won’t be disappointed, but much of it won’t be for the faint of heart or the those with prudish ideals on life. However, if you would love to hear what makes this girl tick and what ventures I have gotten into, or what swirls in the recesses of my imagination, you will surely get your fill…I promise!

I am actually working on 3 different books, and one I am transcribing that I hope my brother will continue, and will be posting excerpts on occasion. And though I have always loved to write it was not until I went back to get my college degree that I rekindled that fire.

But blogging was the first outlet that I actually came to find an affinity, so it is blogging that I will be pumping out my rants, raves and other brief ponderings on quite often.

As I move into this summer season, working my ass off waiting tables at the Sunset Grille in Duck, NC (stop by and say hi) and having a blast, I will be spending much of my downtime hitting the beach, typing out thoughts, stories and working on my books.

Trust Can Be…

…absolutely, fabulously the best feeling ever!!!! OR it can totally fuck with your sanity. However, I find that being able to find a kindred, one that allows, one that accepts, one that trusts as you trust in return, gives way to complete bonding with another soul.

Never, ever believe that there is nothing left, or emptiness, or loneliness. I know that there are those who feel stuck, trapped, unfulfilled. Perhaps even duty-bound by obligation, honor…

Maybe the past has a hold so strong that it’s hard to conceive that something else is possible…that something is out there that can be freeing, soul lifting…bullshit!

All you have to do is open…open the heart, the mind, give way to experience that which is put in front of…

Someone is waiting…someone is there…someone is of like-mind and will always, ALWAYS know…and wait.

Perhaps it is just a word, perhaps it is many words, perhaps it is a song…or lyrics…no matter.

Sometimes it is the strangest of incidents, coincidents, hap-stances, chance faceless meetings and witty banter that brings otherwise never-to-meet strangers to a point of need, want, trust and love that is not like any other.

And though I physically embrace, I wait to fully embrace that which will be.

No matter…trust can be the only way to live, laugh, love, cry and experience completely!